Such Great Heights
by changenotcoins
Summary: The word mother had never been in her vocabulary. She'd thought all her options had run dry... until she decides to ask Elliot for a very large favor, one that will change the course of their relationship forever. ElliotOlivia. WARNING: MATURE CONTENT.
1. Chapter 1

Over the years she had come to accept the fact that she would never become a mother. It was an unspoken truth between her and her biological clock that just kept on ticking, and she rarely thought anything of it. She knew that her tattered past and the blood running through her veins wasn't something she would pass on to an innocent child. She saw how families could be torn apart and the fragile lives of children stripped away in her line of work, and she had always been unwilling to take the risk.

Something had changed her, though. She was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe it was possible for her to experience that joyous feeling. She knew it was because of their latest case; a mother so devoted to her child that she had gone to such great heights to get her back safely in her arms. It had stirred something inside of Olivia, seeing the uncoditional, irrevocable love displayed before her eyes. She wanted what they had, she wanted a family. The only family she'd ever had was her mother, and even that was a stretch. When she had found Simon, she had tried so hard to make their relationship work. All she had ever wanted was someone there to take care of her, to love her despite all of the flaws. But as they became closer, she realized that just because he was her brother didn't make him family.

She had never been able to be part of a family like she desperately desired, but not from lack of trying. She had gone on date after date, thinking that maybe one of them would be the one she'd fall in love with. But each time, she had chased them away with either her job, her past or him. Not one of them could ever compare to him, and every new man was under the scrutiny of his watchful eyes. After her many failed attempts at securing a husband, she had tried her luck at the sperm bank. The doctor had showed her pictures of potential sperm donaters, and each of them was smart, good looking and had great credentials. But she couldn't bring herself to create a child with them when she had no idea who they were. She thought her options had run dry when she discovered the world of adoption. She had applied and was optimistic about her odds, but soon thereafter, her case worker had told her she wasn't quailified to be a parent at this time. She had chalked it up to the job and its long hours, but part of her knew it was because she could never love a child the way it deserved.

She had just given up then, knowing that being a mother just wasn't in the cards for her. But now, with this case affecting her in ways she never thought imaginable, she wanted it now more than ever.

Olivia studied the case file, trying to concentrate on tying up loose ends as her pen guilded its way across the paper. Elliot sat across from her, finishing up his own report. She looked up, gazing at him as he worked. The tip of his tongue touched his lips as his brow furrowed in concentration. His long, deft fingers worked the pen as he pressed it down hard with his words. She knew he was the closest thing she had to family. He had once told her that it wasn't about the genes, but about love. At the time, she hadn't believed him. But after her bout with Simon she realized his words rung true. And no matter how much she tried to figh it, she loved him.

Instead of studying her file, she studied him. He was the perfect man all rolled into one package. He was intelligent, as she knew from working so many cases with him, most of which he had solved with his quick and clever thinking. He was extremely good looking, with his broad smile, fierce baby blues and taut, muscular body. He was humorous, even when it was dark and sarcastic. At work he was intense and brooding, barely cracking a smile during his unwavering dedication to their latest case. Outside of work he was kind to her, listening to her many problems and vowing to be there for her as her partner and friend. He was a family man first and foremost and she greatly admired him for that. Elliot was the only man she trusted and cared deeply about. She smiled at the thought that occured to her.

He was the only man in her life. The only one she felt she could trust, the only one who had been there for her for more than a short time. She knew it was a ludicrous idea, but it was starting to become more and more plausible. It could work, she thought, but she knew he'd never agree to any of it. For one, it was a breach of professionalism, a barrier they had never torn down in their almost decade together. And for another, him being the father of her child was entirely out of question as she knew he already had a family he was committed, albeit more loosely these days.

But it didn't stop her from considering the possibilities.

His head shot up as he felt her eyes on him. "You okay?" he asked, his eyes dancing with concern.

She tore her eyes away from his face and pretended to be very interested in the peeling corner of her desk. "Yeah, I'm fine," she lied. "Sorry."

"Hey," he said gently, forcing her to look at him once more. "We've known each other for too long. I can tell when you're lying."

She didn't want to bring it up. Not here. As she thought more and more about this insane idea, she wished she could make it real. All it would take was a few words and it would be. And she thought, what the hell? Life was too short, as the job had taught her, and she couldn't afford to be a coward. "It's... I was just thinking about the case, that's all." she sighed, mentally kicking herself for being such a wimp.

He gave her a small smile. "Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me."

_If you only knew what I'm going to need from you..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the delay. I was all set on writing this days ago, but apparently the website had a glitch. **

The case was coming to a close, and she felt an odd feeling inside. As if she'd be missing something when it was over. And maybe she was; after this, her dreams of receiving what she wanted would be gone.

_Adelaide Taylor beamed as her daughter raced into her arms and hugged her tightly. "Oh, honey, Mommy missed you so much." Olivia heard her whisper into the child's ear. She smiled softly at the mother and daughter, basking in the moment. The little girl let go of her mother and turned to her father. Adelaide was grinning from ear to ear as she approached Olivia._

_"I just wanted to thank you," she said through tears. "We owe you so much."_

_Olivia gave the woman a warm smile. "It's just good to see her safe again."_

_"You have no idea," she replied. "Do you have kids, Detective?"_

_Olivia's face changed expression quickly at the woman's words. "No, I don't."_

_She looked back behind at her daughter, her eyes bright with love. "I never thought I would ever have children. Never wanted them either," she said. "But then she came along and... before Elsie, my world was incomplete. I felt like I missing something, but I didn't know it until she was in my arms for the first time. If you ever get the opportunity to have a child, don't pass it up. It's the greatest feeling you will ever have, a feeling no other compares to."_

_Then she smiled, her eyes silently thanking Olivia and walked back towards with her family. Olivia stood for what seemed like forever in the same spot, mulling over the words that had just been spoken to her. _

_She wanted a child so bad it ached._

The streets below her looked so tiny from above as she peered over the balcony. She liked coming up here to the rooftop. She could ponder on their latest case of her latest problems without any disturbances and just the city surrounding her. It wasn't quiet, by any means, but it kept her sane.

She turned as she heard footsteps coming in her direction. "Liv, is everything okay?"

Olivia looked away from him and back over the edge. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You've said that so many times before, but I know it's not true," he said, moving slightly to be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with her. "Tell me what's going on."

When she didn't say anything and just shook her head, he pushed on. "I saw the way you looked at that little girl, Liv," he said quietly. "I know you too well to not notice what this case did to you."

She breathed in. "Elliot - "

"What are you thinking about right now? And don't say nothing, because we both know it's a bold faced lie."

She sighed heavily, preparing herself for the words she knew were coming from him. "I was just thinking about how much that mother loved her daughter," she said, hanging her head as she spoke. "And how I'll never get to experience any of that."

"Is what you want, Liv?" he asked, his eyes roving her face.

"I... I don't know anymore. I've tried everything, and I've just lost hope at this point. I mean, it's just not meant to be and I've accepted that."

"There are ways... especially these days, the traditional fall in love, get married, white picket fence bullshit is no longer the norm."

Olivia was quiet for a few moments, then lifted her head and looked him in the eye. "I applied for adoption," her voice barely a whisper. "But they told me I wasn't qualified." Her eyes burned with pain at the thought.

"Liv," he said gently, hooking a finger under her chin and pulling it up to meet his gaze. "Whatever they said to you... they're wrong. You'd make an amazing mother."

She shrugged nonchalantly and turned away. "I want to believe that, but I'm not sure I can."

"I know you think you don't deserve the chance because of who you are and where you're from," he said. "But you're the exception."

"What do you mean?"

"Your mother made the selfish choice to care more about her booze than you, and your father was one of the most cruel and vile human beings," he smiled softly at her. "And look how great you turned out."

Even with her head hung low, he could still see the small smile. "You think so?"

"I_ know_ so."

She looked back up at him, her eyes shimmering with tears. "I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Especially after what Mrs. Taylor said to me when we found Elsie," she said. "And how I shouldn't pas up any opportunity I come across to have children."

"If it's what you want, then she's right, Olivia."

"I know..." she said, inhaling deeply. "Which is why I need your help."

He raised his eyebrows curiously at this last statement. "What kind of help?"

She ran her fingers through her hair. "You were right when you said that you're the longest relationship I've ever had. You're the only man I've ever trusted, and I don't want to do this with anyone else. I wouldn't be asking you unless I was certain there's no other way," she amended. "And I know there isn't."

He stared at her with those intense eyes, waiting for her to continue speaking. "What do you need, Liv?"

"I want..." she let out a shaky breath. "I want you to give me your sperm."

**So, have y'all heard Beyonce's new album? It's incredible. Most of this story is inspired by the song Halo. If you haven't listened to it, you definitely should. That is all. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the delay. I was just busy with Spring Break. ;)**

He'd imagined she'd say a lot of things from the moment he had followed her up to the rooftop, but this certainly wasn't one of them. Of all the things she could've asked for, this was the furthest from his mind.

"My... what?"

"I'm asking you to have a baby," she explained. "Our baby."

"_Our_ baby?" he asked, certain he'd misunderstood her.

"Our baby." she verified. "But you can absolutely say no. I know you have Kathy and the kids and other things to consider before - "

He was looking at the ground as he spoke, but she could see his widened eyes clearly and how they were filled to the brim with confused contemplation. "Kathy and I aren't together, and haven't been for a long time. I don't need to inform her of my life decisions... whatever those decisions may be." He breathed heavily, steadying himself against the balcony.

"I should have found a better way to say it."

"Trust me, there's no better way to say what you just said. Besides, you definitely got your point across. A baby," he mumbled. "This is what you want, isn't it?"

"I do," she whispered. "And this isn't a suggestion I would just throw around. I have thought this through... it could work, if you are willing."

This was all beginning to become too much. The words he wanted to answer with stuck in his throat, but maybe it was because he was talking to _her_. They hadn't been on good terms as of late, bickering and glaring at each other any chance they had gotten. And now she was asking him for_ this_? He understood why, but still, he couldn't comprehend the situation before him.

He groaned, rubbing his hands over his face and tipped his eyes back to the sky, as if seeking some divine guidance. This time, he knew there was no Hail Marying his way out of this one. And he should do this for her. He knew he should after all the shit he had put her through over the course of their partnership. He owed her this much, even if the _this much _was a lifelong commitment. He loved her too, which no doubt meant he'd love their child immeasurably.

He'd always been a rock. But ever since the delicate subject had left her lips, she was seeing a very different side of him. One with limited eye contact, clearing of the throat and multiple nervous gestures. His edges were definitely crumbling a bit.

"Elliot," she spoke up. "I know it's a lot to ask. An immense amount, really. And I can imagine what it's costing you to even consider it." she admitted.

There was an understanding, a bizarre empathy left between them. And of course, the memories. Lots of memories, both good and bad. Of a decade old partnership, of their rocky friendship, the arguments between two dedicated cops, the cases that almost split them apart. They'd faced almost every adversary there was, and had seemingly overcome them.

The only one they couldn't overcome was their crumbling partnership.

Maybe this was her idea of fixing what was broken between them. He didn't know. He knew, though, that she deserved to have a baby. It meant a great deal to her, even though the baby could potentially save them from themselves and complicate everything else. Because a baby was permanent. A bond. It would mean bonding with the one person he'd always tried to avoid crossing the line with.

And this was most certainly crossing the line.

She was right, though. Even though he'd told her Kathy didn't matter, she did. She was the key to seeing his kids and he didn't want to lose the relationship with her he'd worked so hard to build again after the divorce. And what would his family think if he went through with this? He knew the accusations would fly.

But deep down, he knew all of it didn't matter. His kids were grown, Kathy had moved on with someone else, and here was Olivia, begging him for help. He didn't have anything to lose.

Elliot caught a glimpse of her eyes and it was there he saw the same questions, the same fears, the same concerns he held onto.

"You wouldn't have to give up your life, El," she added in a low voice. "But it would change everything."

He knew it would. The truth was, it _already_had. No matter what response he gave her, their partnership wouldn't ever be the same again. He either said yes and had a child with her which would ultimately link them forever, or said no and risked losing everything he had with her while breaking her heart in the process.

"Take some time," she offered as he started to pace. "Just think about it."

"I will." he assured her. But he couldn't do any substantial thinking while he was in her presence. He needed time alone.

Suddenly it seemed as if there were no air.

**Ugh, I promise the chapters will get longer. And possibly in a chapter or two the rating will be upped? Just forewarning you in case I decide to. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**If you haven't seen the movie Watchmen, GO SEE IT. It's AMAZING. ;)**

They hadn't really spoken since she'd asked him for his help a few days ago. While working the cases and during the stakeouts, they had exchanged a few polite words or words out of necessity, but nothing more than that. This had become a rather large problem for him because it left him with too much time to idle on the possibility of her having his baby. Yet, he still didn't seem any closer to making the final decision.

A baby, even a hypothetical one, was a lot to think about.

He had so many thoughts zipping through his head at the moment. For starters, this baby would require a pregnancy. Specifically Olivia getting pregnant.

By _him_, no less.

He was sure_ this _wasn't under their partnerly duties.

Even if they did the procedure through artificial insemination, which was a certainty to ease both their consciences about the process of creating this baby, it still had an enormous amount of intimacy to it. They'd be making a _child_ together, and although this situation was surreal, he'd always imagined that if he _did_ have a baby with Olivia it would be the traditional way.

But he shouldn't have been thinking of _those_ circumstances anyways.

And did he really want to do it all over again? Sleepless nights, three in the morning feedings, endless diapers, colic. Because that was what it all entailed; and he would be there for her, no matter how much she tried to talk him out of raising another child.

He smiled at the thought. What she wanted was a family, and he would give her one. He would be a father to this baby.

And that was all it took to reel him in. He pictured what their life would be like together, what their child would be like; maybe his blue eyes and her honey colored hair, her calm demeanor but his intensity. He didn't know yet, but he knew he wanted to find out. He wanted to find out what it would be like to live out his fantasy, one he'd been vying for long before she'd mentioned this to him, but one he'd never admit to her.

The one where he finally admitted how he felt about her.

He realized it was a load of bullshit, and he had never believed in riding off into the sunset with _anyone_. He knew she didn't either. But this was pretty damn close.

She was resting her head against the window of the car. It was his turn to look out for the suspect, and he had told her to get some rest so he could clear his head. She looked so peaceful with a small smile on her face and her hair all tousled from sleep; he almost didn't want to wake her, but he knew she would want to hear what he had to say.

He turned toward her and moved his hand gently across her shoulder. "Liv," he whispered. "Wake up."

She stirred slightly and looked up at him with groggy eyes. "What happened?"

"It's nothing about the case," he answered. "Sorry to wake you, but... I'll do it."

She nodded absentmindedly. "Oh, that's good. You already told me that you'd take over for now."

"No, I mean... well, yes to that. But yes to helping you, too."

Her gaze rifled to his again. Her eyes were fully alert by now, but his words made her eyes widen even more. She didn't say a word; just waited for him to finish.

Elliot did, after gathering enough breath to speak, finish his sentence with a grin on his face that stretched from ear to ear. "Let's make a baby together, Olivia."

It took her a few moments to process the words in her brain. And, after a few moments of stunned silence and a curious look from Elliot, she did something she hadn't done in so long.

She smiled.

It wasn't one of her fake, forced smiles or a polite smile. It was a genuine, joyous smile, one that was rare these days. He could see how happy his words had made her and he regretted not telling her sooner; he liked to see her this way because it made her look even more beautiful.

Olivia knew it wasn't a good idea to do what she did next, but all coherent thoughts had left her. She leaned over the arm rest and clasped her arms around Elliot's neck. "Elliot," she breathed into the crook of his neck. "Thank you."

He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent, basking in the moment. He let his deft fingers curl around her upper back, pulling her closer as he felt her sigh of relief wash over him. They'd hugged before, but not one other time compared to this. It was the most intimate gesture they had ever shared.

"Don't thank me yet," he choked out. It was incredibly difficult to concentrate on his words when she was in such close proximity. "We still have a long road ahead of us."

She pulled back slightly, holding him at arm's length. He could see all the worry and hurt that had accumulated over the past few days disappear, and he was glad to see her eyes shine again.

* * *

She sat patiently in the waiting room of the clinic. She had tried to distract herself numerous times with the magazines they provided, but as much as she didn't want to, she couldn't help but think of what Elliot was doing behind that door.

She _had _to get her mind off of him.

She buried her face in her hands and groaned. Soon enough, this whole insemination process would be over and then it would be just nine months of waiting.

She looked up as she felt a small hand on her shoulder. "Ms. Benson?" the nurse asked. "Everything went very well with your tests. You're very healthy and should have no problems conceiving. You'll be happy to know that you will be ovulating tomorrow, which means you'll need to come in tomorrow to have the procedure done and then again the next day to increase the chances of conception."

Olivia nodded. "Okay, thank you."

"No problem," she replied. "And Mr. Stabler is just filling out some paperwork. He'll be out in a few minutes."

Olivia smiled at the nurse and stood back up as she saw Elliot approaching. His cheeks were flushed and he avoided the nurse as he turned to Olivia.

"How did everything go, Mr. Stabler?" the nurse asked in a chipper voice.

"Um, pretty good," he responded as he cleared his throat. "Thank you."

The nurse smiled at Elliot as she began to walk away. "We aim to please."

Olivia turned to Elliot, a large smile plastered on her face. "What was _that_ all about?"

"I cannot live with the fact that she knew exactly what I was doing in there. It's almost as bad as the time my mom walked -"

"Okay, okay. I get it," Olivia said, holding up a hand to stop him. "It was traumatic."

He looked at her and laughed, thinking that at this very moment, she looked insanely gorgeous. But he chalked _that_ up to the fact that his body was still on alert from his trip to the collection room.

**I have to warn you that the next chapter WILL contain some very mature content, so if you don't want to read it, DON'T. Just letting you know ahead of time. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much for the reviews! Most of them were you guys telling me they should have the baby the natural way... and boy, are you in for a surprise. ;)**

**THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS MATURE THEMES. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. **

He still couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to see her naked. As he guided her through the door of his apartment, her scent wafted its way up to his nose; she smelled like soap and perfume.

And sex.

Elliot quickly pushed those thoughts aside. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to think about sex, especially after _donating_ his contribution for the artificial insemination. But she was his_ partner _for fuck's sake, and even though she would soon be having his baby, he needed to rid himself of those thoughts. They had bad idea written all over them.

"This is a nice place, El," she piped up. Casual talk about his apartment seemed to be helping with the raunchy thoughts. "I like it."

"Thanks," he replied, letting out a huge breath. "It has a nice guest room... which I'd like you to stay in."

Her head whipped around as she faced him, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping. "What?"

He shrugged. "I'd just feel more comfortable throughout this whole process if I could keep an eye on you."

She glared at him. "I'm not a _baby_, Elliot," she said. "I can take care of myself."

"I know you're not a baby, but you'll soon have one inside of you. One that is_ ours_."

"So?" she snapped, placing her hands on hips. He couldn't be angry at her for long, not when she did that; she looked adorable. "We work together and you know where I live. It won't be hard to keep an eye on me."

"Liv," he moved across the room to her and placed his hands over her arms. "I know you've spent your whole life taking care of yourself, but just for this once, let someone take care of _you_."

Her face fell at his words. She knew he was right and that it was pointless to argue with him. And as much as she hated to admit it, she liked the idea of him being her caretaker. "Okay."

He smiled at her and released her from his grip. "Thank you."

"Whatever." she responded, trying to seem mad at him for being so stubborn, but she couldn't muster up the anger. He laughed heartily at her failed efforts.

He opened his mouth to say something he knew would rile her up, but he was cut off by the ringing of his cell phone. "Stabler."

She could see his face change quickly from playfulness to confusion as he talked. This worried her because she knew it had to be about the artificial insemination and her mind immediately jumped to a thousand different conclusions.

"What's wrong?" she asked quietly as he hung up.

He didn't answer her right away and this caused her heart to race even more than it had before. "There was fire at the clinic."

"What do you mean?" she gasped.

"I mean that someone burnt the place down, whether it was intentional or not. They don't know if it's arson yet. They're still trying to put out the blaze so it might be awhile before we know for sure."

Olivia sank down on his couch. "I take it that also means that the semen sample was destroyed?"

"Unfortunately, yes," he groaned. "I'm sorry, Liv."

"It's not your fault." she said to him. He began to pull out his phone and make a call, presumably to contact Cragen and demand a thorough investigation of the fire. She knew he'd be angry and this was his only way of dealing with the aftermath.

He huffed and clicked off his phone. "No answer."

She sighed heavily and ran her hands through her hair. "Look, Elliot, I'm just going to say this because I figure we're both thinking it anyway," she didn't continue until his gaze came to a rest on hers. "There's a faster way to do this."

He definitely knew what that way was. It was a way his body had already suggested on numerous occasions. And it wasn't going to happen. It _couldn't_.

"Think this through, Elliot. The clinic is damaged beyond repair and our sample is burnt to a crisp along with it. All other clinics will be closed by now, and even if we find one that isn't, you won't be able to just walk up to them and ask for an emergency artificial insemination. I highly doubt they'd take you seriously and besides, you'd have to make another trip to the _collection room_."

"So...?" he asked, swallowing hard. He knew what she was getting at, and he didn't like it. Well, that was a lie. He very much so liked the idea but the consequences that would most definitely be a result made him far more weary.

"So, if we don't get this done now, we'll have missed crucial hours. We'll have to wait another month for ovulation and that could make the difference between baby and no baby. I hate to be crude, or insulting to you, but we could get this done in fifteen minutes. Maybe less."

He had no idea how to answer _that_. _None_. She was right, however. That much he did know. Doing it the old fashioned way was much faster. But at what cost? An enormous one, he was sure of that. And could he even do it?

He had never questioned his ability to perform, but this was way out of the realm of normal sexual experience. Besides, it was _Olivia_. She was beautiful and he didn't have to be asked twice to bring her to bed if he chose to, but he'd always wished it would be under more normal circumstances.

"We could think of it as clinical sex." she added. He knew she was trying to help, but any way she decided to spin it, it was still _sex_. The kind that required them to be naked. And even clinical sex required them to be fully aroused and have a lustful attraction for each other.

Which he was sorry to say, he was long past gone on that instance.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath as she began to approach him. "You're serious?"

She nodded slowly. "Don't even think of it as sex." Her words were rushed, even frantic. He knew she was just as scared about this as he was.

He let out a shaky breath. He'd always liked that Olivia knew what she wanted and would stop at nothing to get it, but right now it wasn't looking so good to him. Although his dick begged to differ.

She had moved as close to him as she could manage, their faces only inches apart. He could feel her warm breath on him, driving him wild as she reached behind him and turned off the light. It didn't plunge them into total darkness like he knew she'd hoped. Like _he _had hoped.

"In fact, don't think about it at all. Just react like any man would at being offered sex." she uttered.

There was no way in the world he _couldn't_ think about it.

Especially when she hiked up her shirt to gain better access to her zipper. Her movements and her mumblings were jerky and awkward as she proceeded to let her pants slide to the floor. "Don't think about it." she repeated.

She reached out, ran her fingers down his arm. Rubbing softly, despite the fact that her hand was trembling. Elliot caught her wrist to stop her from touching him. If she continued with the intimate gestures, he would end up doing something very ungentlemanly.

But at his movement, she looked up and their gazes collided. And held. Neither of them looked away and neither of them moved. The only sounds were their rushed breaths and the New York winter storm brewing outside.

She stood there, bare legged and waiting for him. And looking far better than he wanted her to. He tried to tell himself that he didn't want her, that it was sex. Just sex. He tried to tell himself it was just an undercover job and that it was just pretending. It was all a lie, but it was the only thing he held onto.

Cursing fate for making him do this, Elliot let go of the grip he had on her hand so he could pull her slightly closer to him. Not a loving, intimate act, either. It was simply to establish the contact he needed to have sex with her.

Olivia went right into his arms as if she belonged there. Funny that he'd think of that because _belonging there_ was exactly how it felt. She fit. _They_ fit. As if they'd been made for each other. Her body against his. Her face in the curve of his neck, breathing in his cologne. Her bare right leg wedged between his. Elliot pushed all those _fit_ comparisons aside. He didn't want to add any emotions to this because it would only make it harder.

As if it could be any _harder_.

There were no kisses. No lovers' caresses. No foreplay. He curved his arm around her waist and hauled her tighter against him. Until they were pressed against one another for only one purpose.

"What do you need me to do?" she asked. Elliot was positive she wasn't talking about fundamentals because he was sure she had that part down. She undoubtedly wanted to know what got him aroused. But she needn't worry; just the feel of her in his arms was more than enough.

It _was_ more than enough. He felt the blood rush to his head, and to other parts of him. The heat slammed through his body and he felt it. The overwhelming need to take. He didn't try to slow things down because this wasn't a moment he should be savoring. This wasn't about making love; it was just sex. He only hoped he could remember that.

He lifted her off the floor, his muscles bulging, and since the kitchen counter was the closest to them, he gently placed her atop it. He didn't waste any time; he stripped off her black, lacey panties and unzipped his pants, freeing himself of his boxers and moved between her legs.

He paused only long enough to slip his fingers past her stomach to make sure she was ready. She was. He didn't even want to think about _why_ she was ready. He was just going to take Olivia's advice and not think about it at all. That little piece of wisdom might be enough to get him through.

Latching onto her hips to position himself, he drove into her. He tried desperately to ignore the the soft feminine sound she made, a rich moan that came from deep within her throat. It was more of a turn on than he'd ever imagined.

Olivia wrapped her legs around his waist, rocking against him, matching her strokes with his. She was slow at first, but then she became faster. Much faster. And all of the sudden, he forget about the guilt and all his fears and just let his primal needs seize control of him. He gathered Olivia closer and did what he needed to do. He surrendered.

She tried to focus on her breathing because she didn't even want to _think _about the fact that they had to do that again in twenty four hours.

**So... you all must hate me right now. But I promise there will be MUCH more in store for them. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Just to clarify, the last chapter was purposefully done. It was supposed to be** **that way for them to eventually come to terms with their feelings as a result of being thrown into an unusual situation. It'll become much clearer as the story progresses.**

Olivia figured that if she looked up the word awkward in the dictionary, their rendezvous would be the definition she would stumble upon.

She decided to keep the information to herself about how she needed to elevate her hips in order to increase success. It seemed too personal. Ironic, since they'd just had some very personal contact. Which Elliot had somehow managed to keep impersonal. And what had she expected? Elliot had done exactly what she had asked of him. He hadn't thought about it. He'd simply done what was required of him as the male contributor of this baby making venture.

He glanced over his shoulder at her, the briefest glance possible. Olivia didn't have to see his face to know what he was feeling. As partners, they were able to read each others emotions just by the energy they were giving off.

He felt guilty, an emotion she completely understood. They had spent so many years building up a fifty foot wall between each other and in just a short amount of time it had come crashing down. In turn, she felt guilty too. And she hadn't even had an orgasm.

In fact, she'd worked extremely hard _not _to have one.

And to think, they'd have to repeat this procedure in twenty four hours. With the clinic damaged and the doctor no doubt injured and not up to seeing patients, did that mean she and Elliot would once again be having sex again the old fashioned way? Perhaps.

Olivia firmly reminded herself that this wasn't for fun. It was simply for procreation purposes only. And in only six days they'd know one way or another if their procreation attempt had succeeded.

Elliot approached her cautiously, seemingly weary of her presence. He reached out and touched her hand to his, turning it over in his palm to examine it. "I feel like I should say sorry."

Was he regretting what had happened? She wasn't she if she was ready to hear it if he was. "For what?"

"For... not being as good to you as I should have been. I was rough and I'm not usually." he replied and looked guiltily at the floor, avoiding her intent stare.

"Elliot," she said softly. She wanted to convey that what he had done was okay in her mind; she had asked him to do it and she had accepted the fact that there were no feelings behind it on his part. "You didn't hurt me."

"It was sex, _clinical_ sex as you put it," he said slowly as if choosing his words carefully. This conversation wasn't the easiest one to have. "But I could have... I mean, for you, I should have - "

"I didn't expect you to." she interrupted in a quiet voice.

Her words were like a sucker punch to heart. To think that she didn't deserve for him to be gentle with her. How many men had her hurt so badly that she couldn't even defend herself to him? And had he given her that impression all along that he wouldn't treat her the way she deserved if they'd ever gotten beneath the sheets? He felt like an asshole. He made it a point that if they ever had to do this again, as it were looking that way in just a few hours, he would make her see that she deserved better. He _would_ give her better.

And even though she didn't expect him to, he almost had. And probably would have if she hadn't disguised her pleasure and willingness so well. He threw her another lightning quick glance, a puzzling glance. "Still," he commented. "I should have... I just should have."

"Don't worry about it. We were both just caught up in the moment."

"I just feel like I used you," he amended. "I _did_ use you. And I don't like feeling this way. I don't like doing what we had to do."

That certainly clarified things. In addition to his obvious overwhelming guilt, he was basically saying sex with her was marginally enjoyable. But that all made sense because he must have been feeling like he was betraying their friendship, partnership, maybe even Kathy.

She was grateful for the familiar ring of his cell phone. It not only put an end to this uncomfortable conversation, but it gave her time to dwell on what their next move would be.

She felt all out of order but one glance in the mirror told her nothing was amiss. The only thing in disarray was her heart.

He returned with a satisfied look on his face. "We have to go," he began. "The doctor relocated to a temporary clinic and he's ready to see us. I explained the situation to him and he said he would be glad to finish where we left off."

She fought hard to conceal her disappointment. "Sounds good."

* * *

The doctor had just called her name and she stood to make her way to the doctor's room. She gave him a small smile as she turned to leave.

"Liv," he said, stopping her in her tracks. "I could go into the procedure room with you. If you want."

"Thanks, but this is really more of a solo sort of thing."

He let her go, feeling slightly uneasy. It was part of his job to watch over her and protect her and he didn't like the idea of her being all alone in that room. He'd never been a part of an artificial insemination, or in their case, a follow up to one, but he knew it couldn't be a fun thing. She had handed him the pamphlet as she walked away and he sat there, flipping through it. It warned of side effects and the chance that the procedure would not work.

He didn't know what he would do if this didn't work.

He sat there for what seemed like hours, getting up a few times to browse the souvenir shop and to go downstairs to the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee to ease his racing mind.

He was in the middle of reading a poster on the wall about the dangers of STDS when he saw Olivia being guided out by a nurse. She looked awful; her face was pale and he could tell she was in discomfort. His stomach twisted in pain at the sight her. He immediately regretted ignoring his gut feeling to be by her side while she went through this horrible experience.

"Mr. Stabler?" the nurse inquired. "Ms. Benson is finished with the procedure. She'll need to be escorted out by you and no driving or going to work until the pain and the medicine being using to treat it wears off. She'll also need to return for another appointment in about a week to make sure everything is going as planned."

He nodded at the nurse absentmindedly, his attention focused solely on Olivia. She looked up at him with pleading eyes; he knew that all she wanted was to get out of there and go home. "Okay, thank you. Is it possible that we can finish the paperwork the next time we come back?"

"Sure," the nurse smiled kindly at him. "Take good care of her."

"I will," he responded. He turned and placed his free hand gently underneath Olivia's elbow. She could see the concern dancing through his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I've been better." she replied drowsily, wincing at the pain as they made their way out the door.

"Are you sure you can walk?" he asked, tugging on her arm a little to get her to stop. He shouldn't have even asked; he knew she'd say she could even if it caused her pain.

He was right. She nodded and kept her snail like pace toward the squad car. "I'm fine," she lied. "I'll make it."

He realized it was pointless to argue; he didn't want to upset her. They were both already on edge and feeling like hell after all they'd been through in the last few days.

When they arrived back at his place, he made sure she wouldn't try to run from him. He knew that she was feeling very vulnerable at the moment and that she wouldn't want him to see her in that state. He'd only ever seen her cry a few times and each time, she'd quickly wipe away the tears and act as if nothing was wrong. He wanted to make her see that he was there for her. That his shoulder was always available for her to lean on and he wasn't going anywhere like everyone else in her life had.

She groaned in pain and he turned his head quickly to make sure she was all right. She looked at him with bright eyes, and he could tell something was coming from her. "Thank you." was all she whispered.

"You're welcome." he said, eventually nodding his head. But he didn't leave it at that.

He reached out so slowly, as if he might change his mind. However, he didn't change his mind and he didn't stop. Elliot pulled her to him and took her in his arms. That strong, warm embrace was meant to comfort her, to promise that he would do everything in his power to protect her. It felt like heaven.

Worse, it felt right.

Against her better judgement, Olivia let him wrap his solid arms around her. She took everything he was offering. Even though what he was offering had a huge price tag on it. Instead of the distance she'd hoped to keep between them, that embrace brought them closer. Not just physically, but in ways they should be avoiding.

"You should get some rest," he murmured, forcing himself to move away. But she held on. Not a forceful hold, but one that told him she just didn't want to let go. "You can stay in my room if you'd like."

"Elliot," she said, her voice a hoarse whisper. "Will you... will you stay with me?"

He knew it was the medicine talking. It _had_ to be. But even so, he let her continue with her request, wanting to know why she had suddenly gone from trying to avoid him to wanting to bring him closer. "I just don't feel like being alone right now." she gulped, a lone tear sliding down her cheek. He furrowed his brow at her as he stroked his thumb across her cheek to wipe it away. He hated seeing her feel like this.

"Of course I will." he said softly. He drew in a slow breath and released it just as slowly, and let go of her. Her eyes met his, and for the first time in a long while, she saw fear in his eyes. "Let me take care of you."

There was a flicker of plea in his tone along with exhaustion. He was scared that everything was changing for them. But then, so was she.

**The pace is slow, I know. It's all for a reason, though. I hate those fanfics where they kiss and make love and say their I love yous within like, two chapters. You have to build up some sexual tension, people! ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Your reviews make me smile. :)**

He woke up from the nightmare that haunted him every single night. The one where he'd put Olivia in a dangerous position on the job, and as a result, she had ended up dying in his arms. Except this time was different. This time it wasn't just Olivia on that sidewalk in a pool of blood, but his unborn child as well. He'd been seconds too late to save either of them.

With his heart still pounding in his chest and his throat dry, he glanced down at Olivia's sleeping form. They had fallen asleep on opposite sides of the bed, but somewhere in the duration of their rest, she had moved closer and was now resting her head on his chest, body curled around his and he now had his arm casually draped over her.

He knew it had all been a dream, but he closed his eyes and squeezed her closer. He traced the contours of her face, ghosting his fingertips across her flesh as if to make sure she was really still there.

She'd probably snap his fingers off if she were aware he was touching her like this, in a fragile and delicate way so unlike him, but he didn't care. Right now, in this moment, he just wanted to relish her being and not have any real life interferences. So he continued with his assessment, listening to her slow and steady breathing. He pushed back a strand of her that had fallen across her shoulder, and in that movement she stirred from her fitful slumber.

His movements stilled as he waited for her to open her eyes. She smiled, one that was drowsy and ripe with sleep, but it faded as quickly as it had appeared as she took in her surroundings. And how close she was to him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you like this."

He ignored her comment, giving her only a small smile to reassure her that it was okay. "Did you get some rest?"

She nodded, slipping her fingers through her strands of hair, letting her hand come to rest on the back of her neck. "You?"

"Some," he shrugged. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better now that the cramps are gone," she said, hearing him breath a sigh of relief. "I think you're a much better remedy than what they gave me at the hospital."

He gave her a wide smile, his first in a long time as a feeling washed over him. He could get used to this; waking up with her beside him in his bed. Her body flush against his, so close he could feel her heart beat against his own.

And then it's her turn. For the first time in ages, she smiled at him for reasons she couldn't explain. It wasn't a smirk, or a flirty smile, but a grin that reached all the way to her eyes, crinkling the corners of them and making her look ever more gorgeous than he ever thought she could be. There it was again; the one that made him go weak at the knees. The one, he thought, he'd like to see a lot more of.

She gave a content smile and raised her head to look him in the eye. "I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I appreciate all of this, everything you're doing for me, more than you know."

He couldn't believe she was admitting this to him. Olivia had always been the queen of masking her emotions, more so even in front of him. He could see it in her eyes that her feelings were genuine and for some reason, it latched onto his heart like nothing else had before. She was confiding in him, relying on him, letting him in on on her raw emotions. He couldn't screw it up this time; not like he had before.

"You're no more a pain in the ass than I am," he answered and seeing the sudden change to her features, he went forward with his worry. "You're not changing your mind on me, are you?"

"No, of course not," she replied. "It's just... a lot to think about, you know?"

He voiced one of the repeated concerns that kept going off in her head. "Having a baby is a big step in anyone's life."

"I thought I could find what I was looking for with Simon," she admitted. He held his breath; he was finally getting her to open up about something she had worked so hard to keep from him. "A family."

"Liv," he began, taking her hand and running his fingers over hers. "Just because Simon is related to you doesn't mean he's family."

She watched him play with her fingers, trying to distract her from the tears that were threatening to fall. It was one of those times she was grateful he could read her so easily. "I realized that when it was already too late. When I was too deep into trying to help him that I almost lost everything."

He needed to push her. It was something he'd been holding onto since she'd found her half brother. "Why didn't you trust me enough to let me in on him completely? Why did you turn to Porter and not me?"

She rolled off of him and sat up. She buried her face in her hands, letting out a strangled breath. "There's so many reasons why I did what I did, and I regret all of them now," she said, turning to look at him. "Most of which were you."

"But why, Olivia? You know damn well I would've been there for you." he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"And that's what scared me," she said quietly. "We've fallen into this comfortable relationship where we put each other over the job. I knew that if I brought you into the mess I'd created with Simon, I'd risk everything with you. He was practically a complete stranger and I couldn't lose you to him. He wasn't worth it."

"Then why did you keep going to him? Running from me and straight into Simon's arms?" he cried, judging her with his brooding stare.

"Because I wanted some sense of normalcy. You have what I've always wanted; people who love you unconditionally. I grew up without a father and a mother who barely had the time for me. I thought that if I built a relationship with Simon, it would somehow take the place of all those years without the love I desperately seeked."

"But you were wrong." he added for her.

"Of course I was," she said. "I realized right at the edge of my demise that blood doesn't make family or guarantee love. I felt so pathetic about all of it that I just didn't tell you."

They sat there for moments in silence. He was glad that they could have a heart to heart. Their relationship had been so strained in the last year or so that he thought they'd never go back to just talking. No cases, no suspects; just them.

"But Elliot," she looked at him again with those big brown eyes. In them, he saw her desperation. "I don't want the same for my child. I want him to have all the love he can withstand. I want to him to have a mother who can always be there for him. I want him to have a father who can always be there for him. I don't want him to think the way I do; that he can't ever feel love."

"What makes you think I'm not going to be there for you and him?" he asked quietly, running his hand across her forearm in a gentle caress.

"I just don't want you to feel obligated. Like you _have_ to help me raise him just because you provided the other half of his genes. I mean, I would understand if you drew the line; it wasn't in the deal for you to be there."

He scooped her back into his arms like had the day before, wanting nothing more than to let it be known he was happiest right where he was. "Regardless of what you think, I _will_ be there. I'm in it for the long haul, Liv."

**I wanted to get this done tonight because it's mainly just a filler chapter**. **Next chapter is MUCH bigger. Hopefully I'll have it up for you tomorrow. ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**I had a difficult time writing this because I wanted to do the characters justice, and not have them just jump each other's bones right off the bat. Even so, I hope you like it. :)**

The week seemed to crawl by with her anxious and nervous emotions growing with each passing day. She waited in agony for the day she could finally find out whether what she and Elliot had done really worked. She knew that it would either be nine months of blissful waiting or another attempt to conceive; she didn't know what she'd do if it was the latter.

But today was the day. She sat there in the bathroom, staring down at the test. It wasn't that she was afraid to take it; she was just afraid of the results. If she didn't take it soon, Elliot would think something was wrong. She just had to suck it up.

She pulled it out and threw away all of her fears, sitting down and doing exactly as they instructed. When she was finished, she carefully placed it on the counter, washed her hands and opened the door to step outside.

She came face to face with Elliot, who looked fidgety and unlike she'd ever seen him. She felt somewhat at ease, though, knowing that he was just as scared about this as she was. "I'm not going to ask how it went, because really, I know peeing on a stick isn't such a travesty."

She couldn't help but smile at him. "No, but just wait until ten minutes passes."

He studied her face, knowing what she was feeling. He was feeling it, too. She was leaning against the wall now, her head thrown back and her eyes closed. He placed a hand on her shoulder, making her eyes snap open. "Everything will be okay," he told her. "I promise."

"You can't make that promise, but thank you," she said. "I feel like my stomach is in my throat."

"Join the club," he sighed. "I just want to fast forward through this."

"Were you this scared with your other kids?"

"All of them," he said softly, surprised that he felt so attached to her ability to casually mention that it was another child for him. "The worry and the fear never goes away, no matter how hard you try."

She was quiet for a few moments, and he laughed at her; she was so out of her element that he couldn't help but let out a breathy laugh. "You're going to be a first time parent. It's natural to feel like you have no control."

"Really?" she said, looking up at him with anxious eyes.

"Yeah," he said, still smiling at her. "But once they're here, you forget about everything. All that matters is that tiny creature."

She glanced down at her watch. "It's time." she said, locking eyes with him. He stared back, gulping. This was it; the first step into the rest of their lives.

She reached out and extracted the test from the bathroom counter. He leaned over her shoulder, glancing down at the ocean blue pen shaped device in her hands. Specifically, he stared down at the tiny screen on it.

"We did it," she said, her voice barely a whisper as she pointed to the large plus sign on the test screen. "We really did it. I'm pregnant."

They stood there for what seemed like forever, committing the positive sign to memory. She sat there in shock, wanting to make sure this wasn't all surreal.

With his attention solely on the plus sign, Elliot nodded. "We're going to have a baby."

She turned her body, reversing her position and came face to face with him. Her eyes were wide, her jaw slackened. His expression all but matched hers. "We're going to have a baby." she repeated.

Olivia hadn't been sure how Elliot would react to the fact that they were on their way to becoming parents. She'd braced herself for anything from shouts of joy to a tear laced reckoning that they'd made it past the first step in ensuring she'd have a baby. Neither of those things happened.

All he did was grin.

It was a declaration of how proud he was, how insanely excited he was to know that there was a child growing inside of her. He couldn't contain how he was feeling, and neither could she.

"I'm floating," she admitted, trying to keep her voice steady. She failed miserably. "And the love is just unbelievable. I mean, I never thought it would feel like this. But the love is automatic. Volumes and volumes of love for this tiny baby that didn't even exist a week ago."

Olivia was surprised and more than a little embarrassed when tears threatened. She was babbling like a hormone infused idiot while Elliot just stood there with that broad smile. She blinked back the tears. "Okay, sorry about that. Gushing sessions is now over."

"My immense joy is a little tempered right now because I know this is just the beginning, but I feel it too. I feel the happiness and the floating."

She didn't expect him to do what he did next. He pulled her to him from behind, his lips only inches from her neck. He snaked his hand around her waist, pushing her shirt up slightly to touch naked abdomen. He rested his hand on her stomach, looking down to examine it. He felt all of the emotions and urges running through his mind that he'd developed for her over the course of their partnership unfurling. Up until now, he'd always felt brave and in control, but now he didn't know what to do. He was so afraid that if he let himself fall, she would quit and run, or worse, reject him.

She turned in his arms and studied him. She had never seen him look at anyone like that before. Gone were the usual restraints he inflicted upon himself and all that was left was a complete warmth of total trust and admiration. And maybe she was crazy, but she saw love in them as well.

"This is scaring you, isn't it?" he said in what she thought was a husky voice. Maybe she had imagined it; pregnant women were easily aroused. And she knew what he was referring to; this time it wasn't about the baby or anything else. Just them and the feelings they'd never been able to admit. The ones they'd been denying each other of for far too long.

But she couldn't sit there dwelling on it. He needed an answer.

"A... a little." Olivia stammered.

Elliot held back a shiver as her breath conjured up goose bumps on every inch of his exposed skin. He shifted and pressed his lips against her forehead, softly and innocently. "Do you want me to let go?" he asked, his heart in his throat.

His kiss reverberated through her entire frame. It was a kiss that was meant only to comfort her, but if a kiss like that was all it took to send her reeling, she wondered what he could do if his lips found their way to hers.

He realized then that he had never kissed her. An odd thought since they had already had sex and were going to be raising a child together in a matter of months. As much as it dawned on him that he wanted to, he knew he couldn't. He had made the mistake of screwing up with her too many times before, and a kiss would inevitably lead to more. He wanted to take things slow with her, to save her and him too a world of heartbreak. He wasn't ready to risk putting her through any more pain.

"No. Don't let go," she ordered in the softest voice he'd ever heard her use. She didn't want him to relinquish his hold on her yet. She felt too safe, as she always had when she was with him. It was clear to her that when she'd ever lost her balance, he was there to catch her because that's what he was to her; her safety net. Anyone would fall instinctively towards safety._ Anyone_ would.

And the truth wasn't so blind to her anymore as he held her. He had been completely right when he had said that he was the longest relationship she'd ever had. Her job, her apartment, her_ life _paled in comparison to him. She hadn't made anything for herself here. Except him.

He loosened his grip on her belly and ran his free hand through the honey colored strands of her hair. He stepped away, expecting her to pull free when she realized they were unconsciously holding hands, figuring it had slipped her notice in her need to be comforted by him. But rather than pulling back, she followed his move and tightened the grip he had on her hand with her own, stepping toward him again. He liked the idea that she was relaxed around him, not minding that they were in such close contact with each other and he smiled.

"Can you promise me something, Elliot?" she whispered, and when he nodded, she continued. "Please promise me you'll never leave."

"I won't leave you, Olivia." he ground out, his throat dry with each word that crackled. The utter sadness in her voice made him pull her close, ensuring he wasn't going anywhere. "And I want you to know something."

Her head lifted off of his muscular chest, towards his face. "What?"

"That I'm just as scared as you are," he said, tilting her chin upwards. His blue eyes danced as she looked into them. "But sometimes the scariest things in life are the ones worth chasing."

And that's when he knew. That his fears were irrational and the look in her eyes told him all he needed to know. She trusted him, she cared about him and more importantly, she was ready. Ready for what he had to give.

"You deserve so much better than you've been given, Liv," he breathed, resting his forehead on hers. "And I want to be the one to give it to you."

She knew by the dark, seductive look in his eyes that he was going to kiss her. She'd always thought it would scare her, but it didn't. His words and the genuine look in his eyes that conveyed sincerity were enough for her to be put at ease.

He splayed a hand across her back, holding her protectively. He caught her hesitating just a little, and he tilted his head to the side, encouraging her and letting her know that everything was okay.

His hand slid up her back to catch her neck, and he finally bowed his head and let his lips meet hers. He'd always thought kissing her would be good, but he found that it wasn't good at all; it was _incredible_.

Her lips were soft as she moved them across his in a gentle kiss, a tiny moan escaping her. He groaned against her mouth at the encouragement her moan had given him, returning the kiss with equal fervor. He ran his thumb across her cheek, cradling her head in his hands. He vaguely wondered why they hadn't tried this before. It felt like heaven and it felt right.

It had always felt right.


	9. Chapter 9

**Seeing as how she makes an appearance in this chapter, I figured I'd give a word to the wise: Kathy Stabler will be playing a role in this story. Not a huge one, but a very significant one. ;)**

He had left her sleeping peacefully on his bed, a smile gracing her face. After their kiss, she had pulled away from him, telling him she needed rest and time to clear her head.

His biggest fear was that he had scared her off, pushing her too far before she was ready to trust him with her heart. But the sly, mischievous smile told him that the only reason she was in need of time alone was because his kiss had done things to her she'd never thought possible.

She walked away from him, her hips swaying purposefully and suggestively, throwing him another grin from over her shoulder. He was enamored by her ability to remain exotic and seductive even when she was hiding under her tough exterior. He positively_ loathed_ her for playing games with him. Although he was never able to stay mad at her for very long.

Before he had left for what he told her was the station, he'd leaned over the bed, pushing the overs up higher on her body and kissed her forehead.

But he was really going to see Kathy.

He hated lying to her, but if he'd told her the truth, her mind would immediately read too much into his impending visit with his former wife. He didn't want her bolting before she'd even given him a fair chance. And there was the always the obvious fact that his ex wife and his partner had never been the biggest fans of each other.

He breathed in shakily as he rapped his knuckles on Kathy's front door. It was the middle of the day; his children would be gone but he hoped Kathy wouldn't be.

Nevertheless, the door swung open revealing Kathy, a perturbed look displayed on her face. "Elliot," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

She opened the door wider as Elliot stepped inside. "If this is about the kids, they're - "

"It's not about the kids," he said, dismissing her words with his hand. "At least, not ours."

Kathy laughed, raising her eyebrows at him in amusement. "I heard about that," she told him. "What you're doing for Olivia."

"How the hell - " he began, his eyes wide. He stopped himself, already aware of the answer he was looking for. "One of them told you, didn't they?"

"How could you think that they wouldn't? They're quite the gossip mongers, Elliot," she admitted. "I guess they feel the need to inform me of everything you're doing."

He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face in frustration. "I came here to make sure you didn't hear it from the grapevine, but I'm a little late."

"It's okay. I didn't expect you to tell me anyways." she said casually.

"You're not angry?"

She shrugged. "Why should I be?she questioned. "We're not married anymore."

"I know. But I just figured that this whole situation that Olivia and I are currently wrapped up in wouldn't exactly sit well with you. I didn't think it would be easy."

"It's by no means _easy,_Elliot," she ran her fingers through her dirty blonde hair. ""But I knew something like this would eventually occur. Maybe not in such an unconventional way, but with the way you two are with each other, it was bound to happen."

"Really?" he asked, an incredulous look on his face.

"Of course," she replied. "A blind person could see that you two have a connection, an inseparability nothing else will ever compare to. And just because I denied it to myself all these years doesn't mean that I never saw it."

"We're not together, Kathy." he said quietly. It wasn't a lie; as much as he wished it were true, he wasn't sure if his dream would ever become a reality.

"But you want it to be, don't you?" she asked softly. He just stared at her, at a loss for words. She noticed his lack of speaking skills, and pushed on. "Let me ask you something; are you falling for her?"

"I'm doing this because she asked me to." There was the lie. Initially it had been true; he'd agreed to help her because she had come to him; but now he wanted this baby just as much as she did.

"Are you falling for her?" Kathy repeated, more firmly this time.

"I care about her a lot, Kathy. You know that. She's my partner and my best friend." He wondered why he kept having to convince himself she was_ only that_. The problem was, he couldn't. He just couldn't and he knew he'd never be able to. Because she was so much more to him than than just his partner and best friend.

"Yes," she quickly assured him. "And it wouldn't be wrong for you to fall in love with her."

"Say what?" he asked in a disbelieving tone, feeling as if she had just slugged him.

"You heard me. Frankly, I just assumed that after we ended our marriage you would pursue something more with Olivia. I thought that you would tell her how you_ really_ feel, and not just hide behind your facade of saying she's just your friend and partner," she said, and he began to shake his head. "And don't deny it because I can tell by the look in your eyes that there is something there."

"She's my_ partner_." he pointed out for what seemed like the millionth time.

"She's a good woman."

"She's off limits!"

"Only because you put her there!" she lowered her voice to a mere whisper. "I'm not telling you to get down on one knee and live happily ever after. All I'm saying is that it's okay for you to explore these feelings you've been harboring since, what I'm guessing would be, day one."

He let out a troubled sigh. "I kissed her." He hadn't planned on admitting that to Kathy, but the words had just spilled out. He didn't want to tell her that they'd already had sex. It seemed too personal to just blurt it out to what was once his wife. And he didn't exactly count their way of procreation as making love. Technically, there'd been no love involved. But soon enough, if Olivia allowed him, he'd show her love.

"Yeah?" Kathy asked, her eyebrows raised higher than he'd ever seen them and her blue eyes wide. "How did that go?"

"She seemed content with it, and to be honest, it felt perfect. Right. Like everything is finally falling into place."

"There's a but coming, isn't there?" she asked.

"But she's going to run. I mean, I hope she won't, but I have this feeling deep down inside that she might."

"What do you mean?"

"It's what she does," he said in an exasperated tone. "She ran from me after the Gitano case put us too close and she ran from me when she knew Simon was dangerous."

Kathy chuckled. "She's _not_ going to run."

He furrowed his brow. "What makes you so sure?"

Kathy gave him a kind smile. A smile that reminded of him of why he loved her. "Because she loves you." she said simply.

He smiled back at her, but let her answer slide by. He knew it was her way of making him feel better. "Funny how we went from bitter spouses to giving each other relationship advice, huh?"

"It is," she said in a nostalgic tone. "But I like things better this way. _We're_ better this way."

"And I'm sorry," he said apologetically. "For everything I put you through. You never deserved any of that."

"I'm over it and you should be too. You've got bigger and better things to focus on now, and so do I. I'm just glad that we didn't end up hating each other like some couples do."

He smiled. "Me too," he added and wrapped his arms around Kathy, kissing her gently on the cheek. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

He left his old home, feeling certain things were slowly crawling back to normal. Kathy had been right about everything, and with that new found knowledge, he felt confident about the days ahead of him.

He longed to see Olivia. And as much as Kathy had been right, she was wrong on one instance. He wasn't falling for her; he had already crashed and burned.

**Sorry this was so much later than I thought it would be; life has a tendency to get in the way right when you least expect it. ;)**


	10. Chapter 10

**I took a personal day today just because I felt like things were slipping away from me in life. But I had enough time to write this, so enjoy. :)**

He opened the door to his apartment, expecting to find Olivia still asleep in his bed. Instead, he found her waiting for him on the couch, dressed down in a pair of his boxers and a tank top that hugged her curves and assets in all the right places. He couldn't help but smile at the thought of how comfortable she was beginning to feel in his environment. It took a lot for Olivia to be taken out of her tightly enclosed shell and he was proud that he was finally making progress.

"Hey," she said somewhat groggily. "How was everyone at the station?"

He couldn't lie to her. And by the look on her face, she already suspected that his empty arms meant that he had avoided their workplace altogether.

He swallowed loudly. "I actually didn't need anything at work," he began nervously. "But I went to see Kathy."

Olivia looked up from the floor, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open in surprise. Even though she had known in the back of her mind that he was still in contact with Kathy, it still hit her hard that he would choose to see Kathy over her. And that he had to make up an excuse to go see her.

"You went to see Kathy?" she repeated.

"Yeah, but not for the reasons you think. I went to see her because I wanted to clear up any rumors about... well, our relationship." he admitted.

"I bet _that_ didn't go over so well." she quipped. Elliot fought back the urge to laugh; she was bristling already, coming to his defense immediately at just the mention of Kathy. He liked the idea that she was so protective over him, as if he was already hers and anyone who threatened that deserved the worst of treatment. And in a way, he _was_ already hers.

He smirked. "It did. Kathy and I aren't together, Olivia. And we won't be ever again."

"But you were. For twenty years. You can't just - "

"I _can_. I already have. I love Kathy and I always will, but I'm not_ in_ love with her," he said quietly. _Not the way I am with you_, he wanted to say. But he couldn't yet. They needed to have this talk. They needed to let everything out that had previously stunted their partnership. "I never really was in love with her."

"You weren't?" Olivia asked softly. She was appalled to hear his last confession. It had always seemed as if Kathy took priority over everything else and when it came down to it, he wanted _her_. It was why he'd fought so hard to have her back when she'd served him with divorce papers. It was why he'd been so brooding and hostile when they had been finalized. But now, she was sent reeling. Nothing made sense anymore.

"No, I don't think I ever was. I married Kathy because I felt like I had to. I mean, shit, she was having my _child_. And she was scared and so was I and the responsible thing to do was take care of her. I couldn't bail on her. We were young and stupid and made mistakes which we knew we had to pay for. But none of that means that I was in love with her. I love her as a person and as the mother of my children, but that's it."

"Then why did you stay together for so long?"

"It was mostly because of the kids. But then we realized that separating was the best for both of us and them. We didn't want them thinking that what we had was love," he replied, looking at her intently. He tried to convey with a look what he couldn't with words. He wanted her to see that this was the truth. That he and Kathy were nothing more than parents and friends to each other. That Olivia and their unborn child were all he wanted now. That even though he couldn't let her know just yet, he loved her. "And I stayed with her because she was my security blanket. She was something to come home to at the end of the day. Because more than anything, I didn't want to end up alone. I know it wasn't fair to her or anyone else involved, but it was my selfish choice."

"I get it," she whispered. "I do. I just... envied her for so long and I guess that's why it seems as though I hate her."

He cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Why?"

She paused, considering her impending words carefully. "She had you. She was always the one thing standing in the way of me and you. And I was always the one who was on the sidelines watching as the drama unfolded. I loathed her because all these years, you were always the one thing I could never have."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he asked. "I was divorced and you could have said something."

"Because you still seemed so determined to get Kathy back and I couldn't stand in the way of that. Hell, Kathy already thought we were having an affair. If I came after you, she'd be pissed. And I _tried_ so hard to get you out of my head, especially when you were still married. I_ tried_ to see other men, to find something, but I never could because all I would do is think of you and how they could never live up to you. So I just stopped trying," she sighed. "And what if I had said something to you and you didn't feel the same way? I couldn't live with that. I would rather have your partnership and friendship than nothing at all."

"Jesus, Olivia. I tried too. I tried to ignore what was going on in my head. I may be your best friend and partner but it doesn't mean I'm not a guy," he realized as soon as he'd said it that it wasn't right. He didn't want her thinking that he was only interested in her because she was a woman with a great body. "But the truth is, my feelings run deeper for you than just sexual attraction."

He could see his words were slowly but surely having an impact on her. She moved so slowly that at first he thought he'd imagined her moving altogether. But then her face was only centimeters from his and she was looking up at him, a certain twinkle in her eyes. He realized then that her eyes were watering, compiled tears that threatened to spill.

He ran his thumb over her chin and pulled her toward him with his free hand. His lips brushed across her cheek in the simplest of gestures as he whispered, "I promised you that I'd never leave. Now you have to promise me something."

"What?" she whispered, her eyes closed.

"Promise me that you won't run." he said simply. He would never make the mistake of not coming after her again, but he wasn't sure yet if she would do the same.

"I won't." she declared. She had barely had time to get the last word out before his mouth was on hers. There was kindness embedded in his kiss as he glided his lips over hers, and she deepened the kiss, opening her mouth slightly to let him gain entrance. She moaned as their tongues dueled, battling out their feelings they had kept from one another for so long. He smiled against her lips.

She pulled back slightly, her lips curved in a smirk. "As much as I and my hormones would like to take this further, we can't."

He playfully pouted. "And why not?"

Her smile faded and she gave him a serious look. "We have to tell Cragen. He's going to start noticing and I think it's better if we tell him now before we get in too deep," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Besides, what we lose in a partnership, we gain in a relationship."

He kissed her again, holding his lips against hers as he said, "Relationship, huh?"

"Yes. I've thought this through and this is what I want," she removed one hand from his neck and placed it on her belly, grinning widely. "For all three of us."

* * *

Elliot stood in his boss' office, patiently waiting for his arrival. He had rehearsed it a million times, but he knew that once he caught sight of Cragen, all coherent thought would leave him.

Cragen opened the door and instructed Elliot to take a seat. "What is it you need to talk to me about?"

Elliot took a deep breath. "It concerns Olivia," he began. "Moreover, Olivia and I."

Cragen furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"A few weeks ago, Olivia asked if I'd help her have a baby," he said, fearful of the wide eyed Cragen. "And I said yes."

"Is she pregnant?"

"Yes," he said, swallowing loudly. "She's due in May."

Cragen was unusually quiet and Elliot knew this did not bode well. He braced himself for whatever reaction Cragen might have. Plenty of fears were running through his mind at the moment; he feared for his job, his partnership and his relationship with his boss.

But Cragen surprised him by grinning, an act that Elliot rarely saw from his stern employer. "Congratulations to you both," he chuckled. "I'm very happy for the two of you."

Elliot smiled slowly. "Thank you."

"I take it this means you're in relationship?" he asked.

"We are. But it's all very new, so..." he trailed off, letting Cragen infer the rest. He didn't want to reveal too much, afraid that it might change Cragen's mind on being supportive of their decision.

Cragen laughed. "I should have seen that coming. It was a decade in the making," he added. "But you do realize that I have an obligation to split you two up, right?"

Elliot nodded. "Yeah. We know it's against the law and Brass wouldn't approve if we stayed partners, and we've talked it over. We knew the repercussions going into this."

"Good. You'll still be in the same precinct, but your interaction and caseload together will be very limited from now on," he said. "And I know Olivia is going to hate this, but I have to take her out of the field at a certain point."

"Yeah, she's going to hate it. But whether she likes it or not, she'll be riding a desk in a few months. It's for everyone's safety."

Cragen nodded, smiling at Elliot. "I'll let you get back home to her," he said. "And tell her I said congratulations."

Elliot left feeling almost invincible. It was easier to think clearly when he didn't have the weight of the world resting on his shoulders. And with Olivia and his unborn child waiting for him back home, he knew the possibilities were endless.

**I'm not going to drag the pregnancy out, in case some of you are wondering. I'm probably going to have it go by months, maybe even more. But the next chapter will be up sometime soon. Don't forget the reviews. ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT.**

Her waking up beside him in his bed was becoming a common occurrence and he was grateful for her presence was making his nightmares subside.

And this time was no different with the exception of her hand carefully wedged between his buttocks and the sheets. He tried to suppress a laugh but failed miserably, startling her from her peaceful slumber. She was slow to open her eyes, but when she did, her eyes drifted toward his and her mouth curved into a smirk.

"This is one compromising position," she laughed, trying to free her hand from its captivation. He shifted his weight up, letting her slide her hand out and caught it, turning over her wrist and kissing the palm of her hand. "You have a very nice ass, though."

"Really?" he quirked his brow.

"Yeah," she said, grinning now. "I always used to make you mad on purpose just to get you to walk away from me."

He couldn't help but laugh at the honest confession. He loved her like this; happy and glowing in ways he'd never been able to witness before. She looked beautiful laying beside him in an old NYPD sweatshirt of his, a pair of shorts and her hair falling across her shoulders haphazardly. He reached out unconsciously and brushed a few strands back, reveling in the smile she gave him in return.

Her stomach was growing in size with each passing day and even though she was only a little over eight weeks along and not as large as she would become, it had seemed much longer since they set their plan into motion.

Over the course of a month, their relationship had grown drastically. He thought it would be difficult to go from one extreme to the other with Olivia; partners to much more than that, but he found the transition easier than he had expected. They were taking things slow, coming home to one another and sneaking in kisses on the job when they could. They still hadn't gone further than a heated make out session, but he knew it was for the best. He wanted their first time making love to be more than just sex. It was Olivia and as much as he felt like a teenager saying it, he wanted everything to be perfect this time around.

"Can I confess something then?" he said, toying with the strings attached to the hoodie.

"What?" she questioned, watching him in amusement and adoration.

"I always liked to do something crazy on purpose to have you come running _to_ me." he winked mischievously at her.

Realization dawned on her as she figured out exactly what he was getting at and she playfully punched him in the arm. "You're an ass."

"That may be true, but I'm still a man." he shrugged and pulled her across his body, cradling her head in his hands and kissed her with his devious smile still plastered on his face.

He thought he had done something wrong a she pulled away from him almost as soon as he had pulled her down, but the hand that covered her mouth and the look of horror in her eyes told him all he needed to know. She quickly rolled off of him, running straight towards the bathroom. He winced as he heard the sounds that reverberated in the previously quiet room, and he lifted himself off of the bed in pursuit of Olivia.

He pushed opened the door and his suspicions were confirmed; he saw her hunched over the lid of the toilet, gripping it with white knuckles. She looked up at him only briefly, but long enough for him to see her pale face.

He knelt beside her, rubbing her back in slow circles. "And so it begins," he said. "The dreaded morning sickness."

"Ugh," she managed to choke out as she stood up shakily. He supported her with his strong arms, leading her over to the bathroom sink where his toothbrush and toothpaste lay. "I feel like a kid again with the nasty stomach flu, just wishing my mom could make it better."

He put toothpaste on his toothbrush, handing it to her as he kissed her temple. "Not to make it seem like I'm implying something, but you might need this."

She smiled kindly at him, accepting the offer with silent thanks. He glanced over at the alarm clock on his bedside table, making note of the time it displayed. "We have to leave in an hour for the ultrasound appointment."

She wiped her mouth on the towel hanging loosely from the rack and turned to face him. Despite having just had dinner from the night before end up in the toilet, her eyes sparkled with excitement.

She couldn't wait to see their baby.

* * *

As the doctor squeezed out the cold jelly onto her warm stomach, Olivia squirmed. It was half from the unwarranted icy feeling below her navel and half from impatient anticipation. She saw Elliot's face from the corner of her eye, his mouth forming into a grin at her discomfort. She shot him a dirty look as the doctor pressed the transducer against her abdomen. Elliot reached out, intertwining his fingers with hers. He could feel her squeeze his hand and he smiled.

The screen instantly went from blank to a fuzzy picture Olivia had trouble deciphering. She studied the screen as she noticed there was distinct movement and a faint beeping descending from the machine.

"Olivia," the doctor said smiling and turning the screen to face her. "Meet your baby."

"Oh my God," she breathed as she stared at the image that was no larger than the size of her hand. "That's... that's really him?"

"Or her," the doctor chuckled. "But yes. And the beeping you're hearing is the heart monitor. If I turn the volume up, you'll be able to hear the real thing." She reached out, turning a knob to the right and the heartbeat become clearer.

She didn't know why, but just that simple act made her eyes well up with joyous tears. She looked over at Elliot and saw that he too had tears that threatened to fall. She'd expected him to take it in stride because he had done this numerous times before, but she realized that to him it was a just as magical time and time again.

"Everything looks great," the doctor told them. "The baby seems to healthy and growing exactly as it should be."

She knew the doctor was speaking to her, but her eyes were focused intently on the dancing screen. She never thought it would be as gratifying as this; what she thought would just be an uneventful reveal became so much more, a magical experience no other compared to.

"Now I'm sure you're aware of the risks that come along with this pregnancy, as you're older than most," the doctor said lightly. "But with the right precautions, care and prenatal vitamins, in about six months you'll have a beautiful baby boy or girl."

Olivia nodded. "Can I have a picture of the baby?"

"Of course. I'll print out the sonogram for you."

"Okay," she replied as the doctor removed the equipment from her belly, simultaneously wiping away the cool liquid. "Is there anything else I need to know or do?"

The doctor shook her head. "Nope. I think you're well on your way, but you will need to come back in at the twenty week mark, which is when we can determine the sex of the baby if you'd like to know. And of course, if there any problems, we want you to inform us immediately but I don't think that will be necessary."

"Thank you for everything," Olivia said, holding her stomach protectively as she sat up. "I really appreciate it."

The doctor smiled kindly. "Anytime."

Elliot led Olivia back to his apartment after the visit to the doctor's, noting that several times he had locked eyes with Olivia, both breaking out into wide grins. It was such a magical feeling to have, one that sent the couple on a natural high.

Inside the apartment, he pulled her to him. She would never get tired of the feeling she got when he held her in his arms, but this time was different; a hunger, a desire, a want, a _need _coursing through her body.

She elicited a moan as her body became flush against his. "You know, all my hormones need are for you to brush up against me. You're driving me _wild_."

She was practically purring into his ear and it sent shivers down his spine. It dawned on him suddenly that she wasn't like any other woman, not possessing the normal standards for beauty. She was exotic, dangerous, sexy. Her smoky eyes were seductive, her sensuous lips full and her body... he couldn't even begin to describe her body. It was all just too much for him but at the same time not nearly enough.

He _wanted_ her.

And from the way her eyes glazed over as she stared intently at him, just waiting for him to make the next move, so did she.

As much as he wanted to just throw caution to the wind and take her right then and there, it was impossible for him to do so. Because the last time he had chosen to be with her in this magnitude, he had been too quick in his endeavor and had given her not nearly as much as she deserved. This time would be different.

He wanted it to last. He wanted the memories embedded into his brain, he wanted the feel of her skin to be imprinted on his, he wanted the love that would undoubtedly be demonstrated to be buried in his heart.

"Olivia..." he breathed, trying to ease her urgent movements. "Slow down."

"Why slow?" she questioned, running her fingertips down his bicep.

"Because I don't want to rush this," he replied. He rested his forehead against hers, his eyes open and focused on hers. The reaction she gave him wasn't one he'd expected; her gentle eyes told him she understood and they echoed his earlier thoughts. "I want it to mean something."

Time seemed to stand still as her gaze shifted towards his again. Her soul was bared for him to see and he saw all that he looking for; the reassurance he needed. And he could tell that to her, it _did_ mean something.

"Make love to me, Elliot," she whispered against his skin, her eyes filled with love and lust. She pulled him closer again with enough tenderness to remove uncertainty from both their minds. She kissed him once more with the same softness as their very first kiss, sliding her hands beneath his shirt. He placed his hands atop hers, helping her lift it up and over his head.

She'd seen his chest many a time before, but this instance was different. It wasn't just a simple admiration for his physique. This was pure, raw, physical need. She couldn't resist running her hands across his chest, feeling his muscles tense under her fingertips.

He bowed his head, pressing kisses across her jawline. Making his way lower, she leaned her head back to give him better access to her neck as his hands slid down her body, pulling her shirt off in one swift movement. She tugged slightly on his arm, pulling him backwards into his bedroom. She smirked at him as she a bit of a silly grin playing across his lips.

The way his pants hung low on his waist and the small strip of coarse hair she could make out made her want to see what lay underneath. She hooked her fingers around the waistband and let them sink to the floor with a whisper. She blushed at the sight at his erection and he laughed quietly at the expression on her face.

It would soon be his turn to gaze at her. He slipped his hand behind her back, releasing the clasp of her bra easily. He'd barely waited until it hit the floor before he lowered her onto his bed with the air of a man who'd had a lot of practice at that sort of thing and began to explore. His lips were making their way down her body, stooping to kiss every inch of skin he could reach. When he reached her breasts his tongue darted out, making her gasp loudly. She pressed her fingers into his neck, holding him exactly where he was, hoping that spoke the volumes she couldn't. And when she really didn't think she could take any more of his torture, he dragged his lips back up to hers.

His heart was beating so fast it matched hers as moved lower again, this time towards the panties that blocked him. He toyed with the lace at the top as he placed hot kisses along her hip bone. She peered down at him and he looked up at her, grinning as he divested her of the last vestiges of her clothing.

He pulled back slightly, etching the image of her forever in his mind. He couldn't deny that she was a beautiful sight, but he wanted more than just a measly look.

He moved his head down again, this time rubbing his stubbled chin against her sensitive inner thighs. He swallowed at the sight of her, already wet with anticipation. He could feel her draw an inward breath and he smiled against her as he dipped his tongue into her labia.

He was teasing her and she_ loved_ it. He was mouthing her slick flesh with a maddening slowness and she couldn't help but to dig her heels into his lower back. She groaned out loud as he slipped two rough fingers inside her, his free hand smoothing across her swollen breasts.

He removed his mouth from her, capturing her lips with his. She could taste herself all the way to the back of his teeth. He settled against her, so solid and warm beneath her fingers. And demonstrably, palpably naked.

_Naked. _

She was naked with Elliot Stabler. They had done this once before, but everything had changed. She wanted to laugh at the thought even though she had never been more serious about a concept in her entire life. But when he stretched over her and kissed her, any thought of uttering anything but a low moan darted from her mind.

And then there was nothing to stop them.

He kissed her again, this time with a raw honesty. He didn't trouble to try and hide how much he wanted her and neither did she, so when he moved away a little and looked at her, his breath hot and ragged on her face, she just nodded ever so slightly, but it was enough for both of them.

He shifted his weight a little, lowering himself carefully, pressing his body into hers.

She let out a shaky breath and involuntarily bucked her hips into his, making him groan in pleasure. He was slow at first, maybe even a little tentative but after her movement of reassurance he sighed in what she knew was relief and rocked his hips against hers more certainly and purposefully against hers.

She whispered to him, begging and pleading for him not to stop even though she knew he wasn't about to any time soon. He smiled at her, albeit in a strained fashion and when his teeth grazed her neck she thought she might go over the edge. But when he reached between them to rub the pad of his thumb against her clitoris in time with his strokes, it was her undoing. She let go, letting him feel every arch of her body as she rode the sensations out.

And almost as soon as she had, it was his turn to release as he felt her tighten against him. He collapsed into her arms, fighting to catch his breath and hoping that she could withstand his weight for a bit longer as he struggled to recover.

They'd often had dreams about this moment, but none held a candle to the real thing. And in the smile she gave him as she gazed up at him from where she was now resting her head on his broad chest and his hand rubbing slowly across her nude back, they both realized they could get very used to this.

**Seeing as how I'm not such a great writer when it comes to smut, any feedback and even constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. :)**


	12. Chapter 12

Olivia stirred from her peaceful slumber, the early morning sunshine streaming through the window. She slowly opened her eyes as she adjusted to the bright light.

Olivia was keenly aware of a pair of arms wrapped around her torso. She felt Elliot's breath tickle her neck when he exhaled as the stubble that had appeared overnight prickled her skin. She couldn't help but snicker at the fact that a prominent part of Elliot's anatomy was pressing into her thigh and she decided to tease him, pushing into him just slightly enough for him to wake.

He groaned and ground the heel of his palms into his eyes. When his eyes finally came to rest on hers, he smiled. "Hey..."

"What time is it?" she suddenly asked, her lips brushing against the bare skin of his chest.

"Early," he answered simply. He wasn't interested in small talk; just her. "But it's Saturday, which means we have nowhere to be but here."

She grinned up at him then propped her chin on his chest. "Glad to know you're pleased to see me, Elliot."

He turned his face away from her, laughing. "It's an early morning thing."

"That's too bad that it's just an early morning thing," she said suggestively, tracing her hand across his inner thigh. "It could've been fun."

He groaned, throwing his head back against the pillow. "Now that's just not fair."

"Then what exactly are you going to do about it?" she said, her bright eyes dancing.

"This," he said and flipped her on her back, pinning her hands above her head. She giggled like a schoolgirl, not even trying to wriggle out of his grasp. Because why would she want to?

He looked incredibly sexy with his eyes glinting in boyish mischief and a wickedly suggestive grin. He let his fingers dally on her neck but they didn't linger long. Instead, he chose to slip his hand beneath the sheets in search of parts more suitable for teasing.

The two lovers continued their dance and as it had the night before, one thing inevitably lead to another. But this time, the jitters they had experienced before were no longer present and they were settling into a comfortable ease with on another.

They finally made it out of the bedroom for breakfast at lunchtime.

Olivia didn't quite understand how she could've thought that making love to Elliot would change anything. She marvelled at how easily they had been able to transition from one phase of their relationship to the next without any regard. Because it was Elliot, the one person she'd always trusted and had felt safe with which was why she found it so odd that she had ever been nervous in the first place. Maybe it was because in the past when she had decided to take things with the next level with someone, it had changed things. There had been awkwardness, doubt and she'd often had thoughts running through her mind of whether or not it had had been the right choice.

But it had never occurred to her to have those feelings when it came to Elliot. They were closer, but it felt like just an extension of what they'd been feeling for awhile.

Maybe that was it.

Maybe she'd been so scared to take things further because she loved him too much.

But when his warm lips came to rest on her neck as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, she understood finally why the butterflies in her stomach were there in the first place.

Because it was him.

It had _always_ been him.

"Elliot," she breathed into his skin. Hearing her say his name was almost enough to put him over the edge. He didn't think he'd ever be able to get used to the way it sounded as it rolled off her tongue. She was just about to use that _tongue _when he pulled back from her, holding her right where she was. "Why did you stop?"

He studied her intently, tracing the contours of her face with his fingers. "I hated you when I first met you, you know."

Her shoulders sank as she felt her temper rise. Given the ways his eyes were staring at her, in pure adoration, those words that had left his lips were the last she had expected.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He chuckled lightly. "I was fresh off the death of my old partner and then they brought you in. A rookie who just graduated from the academy and whom I had the responsibility to train."

"But why did you _hate_ me?"

"It wasn't your fault. And I guess hate is a strong word," he shrugged. "But I had just lost my partner. The man who had trained_ me_. I wasn't ready for someone new so soon and I thought that you were there to replace him."

"I didn't know," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head vigorously. "I'm not. Because as it turns out, you were exactly what I needed."

She smiled at him kindly even though the following words wouldn't be. "I hated you too."

He cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Why?"

"You were so intense and I never understood why. But I realized later on it's who are you. You're so devoted and you'd give anything to put those bad guys away," she said. "And you grew on me."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she said quietly. "And after the Gitano case, I realized how much you really had come to mean to me. And that's when I knew that I had feelings for you; feelings greater than those of a partner."

He didn't exactly know how to respond to her admission except with one of his own. "I remember the first time I realized that we were going to be okay."

She looked up at him. "When?"

"Do you remember one of our very first cases together, the one with the blind woman?" he asked and she nodded slowly, trying to figure out what he was getting at. "You threw up in the alley and I told you that just like there's no crying baseball, there's no crying in special victims."

"Of course I remember. I was furious at you for making light of my mixed emotions. I didn't know going in that it was going to be so difficult. I mean, my mom had experience and growing up with her I knew the pain wasn't easy, but that girl... it was the hardest thing I'd ever witnessed. I just let go."

"Yeah," he said softly. "And that's when it dawned on me that you weren't the hard as nails woman I thought you were. You had emotions, you cared deeply about all of the victims. You always do. From that moment, I saw every flaw in an imperfect person who was beautiful in spite of them. The true you. And that right there was the reason I stayed your partner."

His words hit her with a force so strong she couldn't recover. It was all there written all over his face; the truth in his words, the feelings he'd been harboring for so long. And when he leaned down to kiss her, she kissed him back with the same honesty he had conveyed to her.

**Mainly a filler, for the next few chapters are going to be heavy. :)**


	13. Chapter 13

The days were passing quickly at a faster rate than he'd anticipated. He was counting down the days until he could finally meet his unborn child in person. And he could tell that Olivia was too, but there was more than just excitement in her eyes; he saw fear there at the impending situation they were getting themselves into.

As he sat there on his couch, Olivia's body stretched lazily over his and his hand guilding her swollen ankles, he broached the subject of her fright. "Liv, are you okay?"

She gave him a small smile. "Yeah," she answered in a tone that was anything but convincing. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"We're about to have a baby in less than two months."

Olivia laughed lightly at him, rubbing her belly in slow circles. "I'm aware of that. My balloon of a stomach kind of gives it away."

He pinched the bridge of nose in between his thumb and index finger. "I just mean... are you sure you're ready?"

"I don't have much of a choice, do I? It's a little late to be turning back now."

"As hard as you try to cover them up, I see your insecurities scratching at the surface," he said, regarding her with the hard scrutiny of his blue eyes. That icy stare she'd so many times in the interrogation room made her want to spill her guts just like every suspect before her had.

She lifted her gaze to meet his. "Elliot," she said quietly. "I'm terrified."

"Olivia?" he returned, taking her chin in his hand. "I'm just as scared as you are."

"But you've done this before," she said against his broad chest where she was now resting. "I don't even know where to begin."

"It doesn't matter. You can be as prepared as your heart desires, but it's unpredictable. It's one hell of a roller coaster but the adrenaline rush you're going to get when you hold that baby and the love that takes of hold of you makes it all worth it."

She sighed in discontent. "I just don't want to be like..."

"I know," he said softly. "But you can't let your past interfere with your future."

She hated that the father she'd never known and the mother she'd loathed for all these years possessed the talent to toy with her emotions long after she'd buried the memory of either of them. She just wanted everything to have a sense of normalcy in her life without the indiscretions of her parents looming over her. It stirred her temper because their child didn't deserve a life that was filled with heartache like the one she'd endured.

"Would it help if I told you the person you should be seeking advice from would be Kathy?"

She scoffed, appalled that he'd even suggested such a ludicrous idea. "No, it definitely wouldn't. That has bad idea written _all _over it."

He shook his head. "I can't sit here and pretend I know what pregnancy's all about. You should be talking to someone who has experience."

"But why Kathy?"

"I know it sounds far fetched given this love triangle history we have, but she wants to help you," he replied. "And I think it's a great idea."

"Look, I get that you're on good terms with Kathy again and we've all moved on. I totally commend all of that, but it doesn't mean I need to drop by for a visit and flaunt our new lifestyle in her face," she snapped. "That would be overstepping our boundaries and we've got enough bad blood as it is."

Elliot couldn't help but laugh at her adamant stubbornness. He loved the fiery attitude of hers and he pulled her to him, silencing her protests with a kiss that made her toes curl and almost made her forget why she was arguing in the first place. "I guess it's too bad then that I already told her we'd spend Thanksgiving over there." He squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself for the blow that was forthcoming.

"Elliot Stabler!"

He backed away from her, his hands raised in a defensive gesture. "She _invited_ us!"

"Are you kidding me?" Olivia said. "I know she has some ulterior motive, Elliot."

"Just because she's my ex wife doesn't mean - "

"That's_ exactly_ what it means," Olivia cursed. "Elliot, she shoots daggers at me. I'm not going to give her the handed opportunity to ridicule me in front of you."

Elliot took her face in her hands and smiled at her. "I don't care what anyone thinks about you. I just care about_ you_."

"You have to promise me that nothing is going to happen."

"I promise." Elliot told her and pressed his lips against hers.

* * *

She was trying to keep herself together as they walked up the steps to Kathy's - what_ used_ to be Elliot and Kathy's - house. Elliot had casually informed her that Kathy was seeing someone new and had been for while, but it didn't stop her from being concerned. Elliot was the most important thing to her and Kathy had always been the one thing to threaten them.

Elliot reached out and rubbed her shoulder. "Just breathe, Liv."

"Well, this isn't exactly the Thanksgiving I pictured," Olivia admitted. "With my partner, his ex wife and his kids. And not to mention our baby."

He laughed and pulled her to him, kissing her temple. "You worry too much."

"You worry not enough," she said as the door finally opened. Kathy looked the same as Olivia had remembered; same flowing blonde hair and blue eyes. As soon as Elliot leaned in to kiss Kathy on the cheek, Olivia felt her herself bristle. She was surprised at how easygoing their relationship had become because not too long ago they were vying for each other and a bitter divorce came between them.

Kathy invited them in and Olivia's mouth nearly dropped when she saw the table covered with food. Elliot's children were scattered about, grown much more since she had last seen them. It felt somewhat unnerving to be in their presence. She felt like she was intruding on their family even though their child would soon make her part of it.

Elliot left her side to go visit with his children leaving her and Kathy alone in the kitchen. "Olivia," she began in a friendly voice matched with a kind smile. "How are you doing?"

Olivia returned the smile, leaning against the counter and held her stomach. "Eveything's great right now, but I have to say I'm more than a little scared."

Kathy chuckled. "Not surprising. I felt the same way, and not just with my first. With all of them."

"Does it ever go away?"

"No. Your children are the most important in your life and you worry constantly." she replied. Olivia was grateful that Kathy wasn't being hostile like she had expected and that their conversation carried on with ease and no bitterness. She had expected Kathy to hate her or for things to be unnervingly awkward, but somehow they weren't.

Olivia was about to ask another question when she heard the distant ringing of Elliot's cell phone. Not much more time passed before he was back at her side, his eyes apologetic.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go," he said in a strained tone. "Cragen has a huge case and he needs me."

"We just got here."

"I know, but he promised to have me home in time for dinner," Elliot said, kissing her on the cheek on his way out.

"It's not easy dating a cop, is it?" Kathy asked.

Olivia turned to Kathy and saw a look in her eyes that was all too familiar. "I - no, it isn't."

"That was always the hardest part about being married to Elliot. The job was the thing that came between us," she said and offered her a small smile. "And you."

Olivia furrowed her brow in confusion. "Me?"

"The truth is our marriage was over long before it even began. But we went on pretending it wasn't, trying to make something out of nothing. And I don't know why I was so jealous of his inability to talk to me and always turning to you. I understood from the beginning of your partnership that he was in love with you in a way he could never be with me but it still hurt to know I could never have that."

Olivia shook her head. "Elliot isn't in love with me."

Kathy scoffed. "Yes, he is. He may not have said it to you yet in words but he most definitely is. He agreed to have a baby with you because he loves you, not just as a favor to you. He's not all that great at conveying his feelings but he loves you more than anyone else."

"But our relationship is just - "

"It's more than _just _for him," Kathy told her. "And for you too, isn't it?"

Olivia didn't know how to reply. "I..."

Kathy grinned. "You don't have to say anything. Twenty years as his wife, ten as a witness to your partnership. I know exactly how you feel."

Olivia was silent for a few moments. She had always had an idea that Kathy knew what was between her and Elliot, but she'd never imagined they'd be talking this causally about it. "I'm surprised you don't hate me."

"I could never hate you. And if it seems like I've been a bitch before, I'm sorry. I just felt so possessive over Elliot even though I shouldn't have. He was never mine to begin with."

Olivia laughed. "I'm just glad you don't want to murder me or something," she said. "But hey, would it be alright if I used your shower? Elliot rushed me out of the house this morning."

"Of course."

She stood there as the hot water streamed down her body and smiled to herself. Despite being in a relationship and having a baby with Elliot, his ex wife seemed surprisingly at ease with the unconventional situation they were all now in. She liked the idea of finally having a family.

She moved the soap slowly across herself, but the suds made it too slippery and it slipped from her fingertips, hitting the shower floor before she had time to catch it. She started to bend over in hopes of retrieving it, but the water and the soap mixed together made her lose her footing and she crashed to floor face first in her attempt.

And then everything went black.

The knife which she was using to cut the potatoes clattered to the cutting board as Kathy ran to the bathroom upon hearing the crash. She pulled open the shower curtain and found Olivia's limp body resting against the bathtub. "Olivia!"

She yelled Olivia's name several times but she received no response. "Maureen, call 911!"


	14. Chapter 14

He'd never been so terrified in his entire life. Hearing the desperation in Kathy's strained voice as she relayed the details of Olivia's collapse made his heart nearly break.

They had fighting through their complicated partnership for so long, finally reaching a point where no words were needed to convey their feelings and comfortable silences that told them everything they needed to know. And now he was on the brink of losing both the woman he loved and the unborn child he had yet to meet.

He'd never been as faithful as he should have when it came to his Catholic faith, but he clasped his hands tightly together and prayed to a god he had neglected for so long and hoped for some sort of divine miracle. He knew that he hadn't been a perfect man with no sins to account for, but losing Olivia and their child would be cruel punishment that none deserved.

All that was left to do was pray.

He pushed open the waiting room doors of the local hospital. His head swiveled around and he knew he didn't belong there. The increasing number of individuals who sat silently waiting for health care, bidding their time until they could get a definitive answer as to the faults of their bodies. He shouldn't be here; not among those whose lives had been torn apart by what was _wrong_.

But soon enough his eyes caught sight of Kathy and he let out a shaky breath. She approached him in a manner that told him this time a simple greeting and words of comfort would not suffice. He let her kiss his cheek and wrap those arms he had felt so many times before around him. He wanted to ask her but the words didn't seem to form and he was too afraid of the response. Elliot tried to read Kathy's features to give him some insight but for once he could not get a definitive answer.

At least not the one he wanted.

"It's touch and go, Elliot," she said so quietly he thought he was imagining her lips moving altogether. "They don't know..."

He nodded as she trailed off. "What happened?"

"She asked me if it would be alright to take a shower because you two were running late this morning and the next thing I knew she was on the shower floor unconscious," Kathy told him as he rubbed his hand across his face in utter exhaustion and frustration. "I'm sorry, Elliot."

"Jesus, it's no one's fault but my own," he said. "I should've never left."

"It would've happened whether you had left or not. I'm just angry at myself for not being able to do more for her. She might - "

Elliot cut her off abruptly. "You did the best you could and that's all I can ask for," he replied. "What happens after this is in someone else's hands, not ours. But just know that _you_ saved her life."

She was about to protest when a doctor interrupted the conversation. "Mr. Stabler?"

"I'm Elliot Stabler."

"Ah, nice to meet you," the doctor smiled warmly and shook Elliot's hand. He saw no grim expression on the doctor's face and he took it as a good sign. "Kathy has told me so much about you."

"He's my boss, Elliot," she confided. "One of the best doctors I've ever met."

He didn't want to make small talk anymore and he just brushed off Kathy's comments in his urgency to check on Olivia's condition. "How is Olivia?"

The doctor sighed heavily. "When Kathy first brought her in, her condition did not look so well. She had internal bleeding and the placenta had been lacerated due to her fall directly onto her stomach. The baby's air supply had been cut off for far too long due to Ms. Benson's position and lack of oxygen as well. We were able to stop the bleeding, but we aren't entirely sure if the tear to the placenta will heal. If it does not heal within the next twenty four hours, induced labor will be administered. This is the last option we would want to take as the baby is not fully grown yet and may not make it through a birth so soon."

"And how is she now?" he asked, feeling the tears spring to his eyes.

"She's awake but in a lot of pain and will be as we wait this out," he said. "But she's been asking for you."

"Can I see her?"

"Of course," the doctor nodded and led him through to Olivia's room down the hall. "I'll leave you two alone for awhile."

Elliot was cautious as he stepped through the door. He was a good couple of yards away but he could see her helpless form lying in the hospital bed, awake but facial features giving away clear signs of discomfort. He would do anything at that moment to trade places with her. She had overcome so many years of pain that he just wanted it all to go away.

He approached her carefully, placing a hand gently over her IV injected arm. "Hey, sweetheart."

"Elliot?" she mumbled.

"Yeah, it's me." he told her, grabbing a chair and sat beside her.

Her face instantly screwed up and the tears seemed to flow with no effort at all. "I'm so sorry."

He brushed her cheek with his fingertips in a soft stroke. "You have nothing to be sorry for so don't apologize. Everything is going to be okay."

"We almost lost him, Elliot. We almost lost our baby. He could have - "

"Shh," he soothed. "But we didn't and we're not going to. I know how strong you are and how strong he is already. You're fighters and that's what you're going to do; _fight._"

She nodded into the palm of his hand and waited for him to speak again. "Olivia, I want you to know something," he said. "I want you to know that I love you."

"And that whatever happens now, that doesn't change. It never has and never will. It took me almost losing you to realize that I never want to be apart from you. I can't imagine what my life would be like without you in it, partners or partners, child or child, lovers or no lovers. We've been through so much but I don't regret any of it because it was all for you. And always will be. I could never guarantee it would be easy and I can't now, but the only guarantee is that I love you."

It took her a few moments to fully register what Elliot was saying. She had always known that they were more than just partners but now, sitting here after her life was almost taken and Elliot confessing the exact thoughts she herself had been harboring for so many years made her heart jump in ways she had never experienced before.

And even though it took very ounce of strength for her to do so, she grinned. "You _can_ be romantic and overly cliche."

He dropped his head down and snickered. "Way to kill my ego there, Liv."

"Come here," she instructed and pulled his face closer as he moved up. "And kiss me."

He did so and in the best possible way. His kiss was gentle so as not to hurt her but a kiss like that conveyed even the deepest of emotions. And as he kissed her, she whispered his words back and all the worry seemed to melt away, Olivia astounded that something as blissful as love could exist at a time like this. But in reality, they previously unspoken truths didn't change anything to the outside world as life itself would still be there demanding their attention, pulling them in different directions, keeping them apart when they'd rather not be; but for now, they were together and as isolated from all that as they ever had been here in the ironic setting of a grim health care ward.


	15. Chapter 15

**This one is for Jacob. :)**

They had never said anything about this in all the pregnancy books she had read.

Olivia woke up in the company of the most excruciating pain she had ever experienced. She kept her moans of pain low as they rippled through after seeing Elliot slumped over in a peaceful slumber he hadn't had the privilege of receiving for days, his mind occupied with worry for her and their child. His hand had loosened its hold slightly but his fingers were still intertwined with hers as if letting go wasn't an option.

As much as she tried to suppress her groans of pain, she couldn't. It wasn't worth it to keep it to herself; this was the time when she needed him the most and her cries brought him back to reality.

"Olivia?" His voice was groggy from sleep, but his eyes were alert and focused intently on her.

"Elliot," she choked out. "It's time."

He simply nodded and ran out of the room to find a nurse. She began to do as each doctor had instructed her; breath easy and concentrate not on the pain but on the gift she was about to receive.

Needless to say it was easier spoken than carried out.

But when Elliot returned with a throng of doctors and nurses ready for the task at hand, he was immediately back at her side telling her to squeeze his hand as hard as she needed to. His other hand shot out to brush the hair away from her now sweaty forehead as a doctor went through the routine procedure of checking both the vitals of the mother and the child.

"Everything's a go," he said and turned to face Olivia with a weary smile. "Ready for the epidural?"

Olivia didn't hesitate to answer. "You have no idea."

"Alright," he agreed. "And as it kicks in, I need you to push."

Elliot felt the pressure of her hand on his own as she mustered up all the strength within her to push. Every push that followed brought them closer and closer to finally meeting their child. He'd seen Olivia in every state but never in such intimate circumstances as this; vulnerable but strong and determined as she persevered. He could see it written clearly on her face; it was just another challenge to her.

"I see the head," the doctor spoke up. "One more big push and it'll be over."

Her body shook with the sheer force of that last push, leading their baby straight into the arms of the triumphant doctor as he announced it was a healthy baby boy. His smile quickly faded as he saw the baby's eyes shut tightly and no breath being released from his nostrils.

"Why isn't he crying?" Olivia asked in a panicky voice.

"The baby's airway is clogged with amniotic fluid from the placenta," he explained as he placed the newborn in a nearby incubator after he cut the umbilical cord. "But we are going to feed a tube through nis nose and suction it out."

Olivia and Elliot both raised their heads to watch over the doctor's shoulders as he fought to save their baby's life. Elliot could hear Olivia whisper the word 'cry' under her breath and he reached out to kiss her on the forehead and told her everything would be fine. But his attempt at reassurance didn't stop the tears that had been threatening to fall.

But then she heard the most beautiful sound she could ever hear; their son's _cry_.

The doctor laughed heartily at the victory and turned to the happy couple, placing the newborn in the arms of his mother. She cradled his head above her arm and let his big blue eyes stare up at her in wonder. She stared back, curious as to how she could love someone so much that she had just met. It seemed irrational to her, but he deserved every ounce of love she could give. Elliot ran a finger across his son's head and grinned at Olivia.

"So have you decided on a name?" he asked softly, his gaze on his son and the woman he loved.

"Jacob," she declared proudly. "His name is Jacob Elliot Stabler."

Elliot grinned again at her. "It's perfect."

_Everything_ was perfect.

_A perfect family._

**I think I'm going to end it here. I greatly appreciate all of you who have stuck by me and every single review. I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I have writing it. :)**


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